Dear Congress,

I just want to start by saying that, like you, I love America. I really, really do. Our country has beautifully paved roads, reliable electricity, free education for every child, purple mountains and blue oceans, and reasonably priced cheese. It is a great country.

But, Congress, I think we both know America has some problems. Those roads and power grids aren’t in as good shape as they used to be; our education may not cost anything, but it in some neighborhoods it’s also not worth much; the mountains and oceans aren’t being protected the way they should be; and, well, even reasonably priced cheese looks pretty expensive when you don’t have a job.

Because I believe that we all love our country and that we can overcome our problems, I have just one thing to say to you: You are an embarrassment. I live a million miles away in one of the least functional countries on earth and I am embarrassed of you. You are putting our country’s economy and reputation on the line for a partisan reality TV show and I am sick of it. I get that you have different ideas about how to spend/tax/save, so when a new spending bill or a budget comes up for vote, then you go ahead and debate your faces off. But raising the debt ceiling? That’s not a choice. That’s just paying your bills. And grown-ups pay their bills. If you can’t do this most basic function of government, then every single one of you should lose your jobs and be forced to come work as staff assistants in the South Sudan Legislative Assembly where you can see what a real problem looks like.

You are stewards of my home, the home of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King Jr., so when you pose for the cameras like Paris Hilton or tweet-diss other lawmakers like Kim Kar-whats-her-face, it’s embarrassing. You are well-educated and well-motivated leaders of the most powerful country in the world. Please start acting like it.

Step one is to raise the debt ceiling and pay our bills. Step two is for you to start working together to come up with creative solutions to the many serious challenges we face, including the massive national debt. Believe me, I too, care about the national debt. I will be paying it off longer than any of you will, but I would like for you to work on that problem without holding the country hostage while you do it.

My Dad always says that there’s no limit to what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit. Unfortunately, it seems like who gets the credit is all that you care about. In this case, there is plenty of “credit” to go around, so I just have one message: 2012 is coming. I don’t care what political party you are from, if you can’t govern, I won’t ask you to again.

Until then,

Stephanie